I am having a I want to run away and sit alone in the woods moment. Not so much because people are annoying me, although they are, but because my spirit feels muddy. There are quite a few things provoking this anxiety. Turning 38 while living in my parents’ attic while 2 of my adult siblings live in the house too. . . while old friends have been living adult lives for half of their lives now. It’s not exactly that I want to switch places with them, but what have I done with myself? I don’t want an answer; I don’t want encourage. I want to feel like an adult; not an old creaky teenager. And the only person who can change this, obviously, is me.
So I’m gonna embark on a little spring cleaning of the soul. Got a few ideas. Unplugging from social media for a few days seems a good start. Get my hands on some literature, start a diet, set an alarm clock. As I was drinking a beer last night I thought, why am I finishing this? I don’t want it (but I finished it anyway). I do need to lose some poundage but the diet thing is mainly about feeling better. I want my stupid brain the work better, to not be winded when I walk up the stairs.
The sad thing is, as I am typing this, I can see at least one person rolling their eyes, thinking I won’t follow through. And that’s another reason I’m going to do it. Not to show THAT person, but to show myself. I think I listen to everyone and everything else before I listen to myself. Just because I have spent the past two years wallowing in self-pity doesn’t mean I am going to continue to do so. It’s rather tempting to just chuck my phone out the window, but I could get an important phone call that way.
So step one. Tonight I’m going to make a grocery list. Might even do the cabbage soup thing for a day or too. Heck, maybe I’ll make a bunch of lists since I am a bit manic-y just now.